my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
