I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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