I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
