just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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