I puked a lego.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
