he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're too hungover to prance.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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