Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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