well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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