I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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