Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
