Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
