No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
