he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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