she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
