but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
