So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
