I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
