I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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