mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
