the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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