my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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