It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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