It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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