i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
