I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
