At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
