I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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