Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
