How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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