we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
