threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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