For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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