Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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