i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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