OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
