i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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