They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have fence marks all over my body
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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