Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Buhtt sex?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
