I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
