Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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