He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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