I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
