if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
