told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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