So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
