I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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