i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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