Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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