You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
