Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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