in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
