We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
