I just saw a hot homeless man
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
