She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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