so explain again why im purple
no
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
