Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
