no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
