I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
