Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
