since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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