I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
