I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
