God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is Oprah even human
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
