i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
