can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
