Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
