Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
