You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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