Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
