Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
