I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
