this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
