his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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