I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
